Blog? I have a blog?

I have certainly neglected this little piece of the web-o-sphere. Thank you to all who happen to check in on me now and again to see if something new has finally been posted. Today is your day!

Maebry Joanne turned 7 weeks yesterday. Seven weeks?!?! Where has the time gone. On about day 21, I remember someone saying you'll look back and wonder where these days went. Back then, I didn't believe them. It felt like every day was just. creeping. by. Time was moving slow, and Maebry was a handful, and I was exhausted. Today, seven weeks later, things have changed so much!

While I am still exhausted, it is less physical and more emotional. This week I was forced, due to our circumstances and need to earn a living, to return to work and leave Miss Maebry in the care of others. I have realized there is a whole new level of stress when you are a parent, working full time, and trying to "do it all." I've had to let things go as a new mom: for instance, my house is a pit but who cares! I used to complain about never getting out of the house and being home all day, and now I'd give anything to just stay put: i.e. packing up a baby and diaper bag and materials for an entire day takes a lot of time and brain-power to remember everything. I've learned I have really great friends, but I might not get to see them for awhile: Maebry is so much work at night we often spend 2 minutes of our dinner (who am I kidding, the morsels of food we can pull together to call a "meal" these days) together, the rest of the time trying to figure out how to calm her/get her to sleep for the night. I don't see us getting "out on the town" or even out to a friends' house for a few more weeks to come. And I've noticed a huge piece of me feels empty: I carried a baby inside me and now in my arms for the last 11 months, and now I only see her 5 hours a day max. We are separated. I feel deep longing and and a hollow place somewhere inside, just wanting to be with my baby. Emotional transition - this is huge.

There have been many funny and surprising moments though in the midst of all our change. Like the poopy diapers from the blog title. Marcus now refers to me as "Monica" from Friends because of my need for cleanliness (who am I kidding, it should really be cleanliness in a "particular" way!). Well, let's just say I've reached a whole new level of loving to clean: diapers. Poopy, full diapers. There's something exciting about having a huge mess to clean up (perhaps this is why we cycle through times of letting our house pile up and get messy, and then we do a huge day of deep-cleaning?) Miss Maebry can sure fill her pants, and I enjoy every minute of wiping out the crevasses and crannies and applying a brand new clean diaper. We smile, we coo, we giggle through all of it. Call me crazy.

There have been so many times when we sit together and just laugh, whether its the sounds she's making (she burps louder and harder than any man I know!), the smile on her face, or the streams of spitup running down her bib. I have great memories of Marcus doing whatever he can to get her to sleep, like walking around the house singing a made-up African chant in a girlish high pitch. We laugh all the time at how Maebry may grow up thinking she's a puppy, since Brinkley loves to give her "baths" each morning. Or how about the time I said "You are such a punk. Not a punkin, a PUNK" and her face broke out in the widest, most i'm-so-innocent smile? And don't forget about the rooster lip. Marcus was so stressed with her crankiness one night, until she let her lower lip poke out in the beginnings of one of the sweetest pre-cry ways, and it melted his heart. He decided from then on he'd do whatever she wants of him (wrapped around her little finger already!).

We love our little girl. We are stressed to the max and tired all the time, but we are deeply in love. Even with the "poopy" moments, we are finding joy in this crazy season.