4 Weeks Ago . . .

At 11:59 p.m. on Tuesday, May 17, 2011 I woke with a very strange pain in my back and lower abdomen. Ouch, I thought, as I waddled my pregnant way to the bathroom. I really have to poop. I sat and passed some gas (TMI?) and tried to cope with my lethargic mind from only having been asleep about 50 minutes. I need to get back to sleep so I can be ready to go in the morning. We were to be induced at 7:30 a.m. the following morning and I was too restless to sleep. And having a hard time passing something out of my digestive track. Was it the hamburger I ate for dinner, I thought to myself, or the frozen yogurt from Lemon Tree? Either way it was worth it - I'd had the best "last evening" before our daughter was born. Great day walking around the lake with my husband and Brinkley, dinner and hanging out with my niece, nephew, and family and even got some sacred alone time with my husband sans the dog. All of these thoughts lingered with me as I headed back to bed with my upset stomach.

12:42 a.m. rolled around and I shot straight up in bed. OUCH. That time I said it out loud. The same cramping pain was there again, starting in my back and working its way around to my lower belly. I went again into the bathroom where I was this time able to pass some poo (yes, TMI!). I went quickly back to bed and tried to fall back asleep. However, five or six minutes later the same pain was back, and this time much sharper. I woke Marcus up with Babers, something isn't right. Are these contractions? I told him to go back to sleep and that I'd wake him up if anything more happened.

For the next hour I waddled my way around the house, pacing back and forth, back and forth. I turned on my contraction app on my phone and started to time the pain. Sure enough - the pain was coming every 4-6 minutes on average and was lasting a solid 60 seconds each time. This is it! I thought. My next idea was immediately How the HECK am I going to survive this? It's early on and these things KILL. With each contraction I fell to the floor on my knees in front of the couch. It hurt WAY too bad to stand up straight, and the only position with which to get my breathing going properly was from all fours. Yeesh.

45 minutes later we called my mom to tell her this is it - get on down to the hospital! I began to pray she would be alert enough to make the drive in the middle of the night. Our plan was to have Marcus and my mom with me for labor and delivery. My mom is a seasoned nurse and someone who's always been by my side when I'm sick. My husband knows me best, and my mom would be level-headed and inquisitive and helpful from a medical stand point. I felt certain we should make the trek in now, since these suckers were not going away. After walking through the house and grabbing all our bags and items, we headed for the door.
We arrived to the hospital around 2:00 a.m. on May 18, 2011 after pulling over three times to let a contraction pass. Had we driven through them I may have grabbed the steering wheel and caused an accident!! We pulled up to the entrance and quickly made our way inside. The man at the front desk took one look at me, and said Take the elevator to the third floor. I wonder if he'd seen me clutching my swollen belly or saw the death glare in my eyes. We rode the elevator slowly upstairs and approached the door. Marcus went in to begin paperwork for the admission process and I stopped into the bathroom. For some reason, I felt the biggest urge to poop. Little did I know this feeling would last for the next nine and a half hours. I wonder if anyone else in the world felt like they were literally going to poop their baby into existence? After another contraction in the bathroom and no poop, I joined Marcus at the front desk. Tamara helped me get the forms in order and I signed a couple papers before I said Uh oh here comes another one and quickly stooped down on all fours on the ground. I guess I freaked her out because she made a quick phone call for help and told us it wasn't the first close-call she's had before. I tried to explain this was the only position to survive the pain in, but it didn't help. She thought I was going to pop the baby out right then and there! If only, Tamara. If only . . .

Next thing I know, nurse Doreen was there with a wheel chair. I clambered up and sat down, panting with exhaustion and eagerness to get to our final destination. We wheeled around the third floor and ended up in room 3013. I took a quick glance around and checked how close the bathroom was in case the urge came again, then I climbed my way into the hospital bed. Not too soon after that, nurse Julie came in and we made our introductions. She asked me a million questions and we discussed my thoughts on the use of drugs/medications during labor. I voiced that I wanted to see how far I could go, but that I was completely open to taking medications at this point. Then we got to it - the internal check. Tuesday morning when I saw my doctor for a 41 week check-up, I was 3 cm and 90% effaced. Julie checked me at 4 cm and 100% effaced. Here we go, I thought, this is really happening! The contractions were remaining pretty steady at 4-5 minutes apart and were lasting a solid minute each time. The pain however, felt like it was steadily getting worse. With each burst of pain, I would grab the bed rail with one hand and reach out like a crazy woman with the other for anything to grab ahold of. At one point I reached out and grabbed Marcus' jeans, but I must've grabbed too high on his thigh. After that he decided we needed a new method for the grabbing! We rolled up a t-shirt from the bag and I used that to grab with my other free hand - kind of like a tug of war option. It helped tremendously and Marcus was thankful to have his body parts safe again from my grabby hands.

An hour after arriving at the hospital, around 3 a.m, Julie came in with some Fentanyl. It made me feel dizzy and strange, but it did take the edge off the pain for about a half hour. I remember asking Julie how long until I could have some more, and she said it should last about an hour and a half. Yeah, I thought, that's not happening. I could already feel the contraction pain coming back just as strong as before. I had moved to my other side and was trying new positions to cope with the pain but nothing would bring any sort of relief to the pain in my tailbone and abdomen. I was thankful for Julie's expertise - she had been a nurse for some 20 years I think, and she had great advice for how to better breathe through each contraction. Without that coaching I think I would have started struggling a lot sooner, mentally.

Well, I lasted through the contractions until roughly 4 a.m. when Julie asked me again about an epidural. I didn't even hesitate - I told her let's do it. The anesthesiologist was in shortly after, and although I thought the pain from that enormous needle and the position in my back would be super painful and scary, it was nothing. Nothing compared to the contraction pains! I think I had one more big one before I could feel my lower body going numb. The relief that came with was fantastic and I have no regrets about it. I had labored strongly for three and a half hours and was ready for some physical relief. Julie checked me again at 4:45 and I was around 6-7 cm. After she inserted the catheter we turned off all the lights and tried to get some sleep. I tried as hard as I could, but sleep would elude me. I spent those early morning hours updating the world about our status and looking out the window while praying. I remember being so thankful, so anxious, so excited for this day in our lives. I remember thinking Today is my daughter's birthday. I remember giggling and thanking God for His funny timing - we had been praying I wouldn't have to be induced, and here I was, going into labor naturally. His faithfulness and nearness in that was amazing and at the same time made me laugh. We beat the induction by mere hours!

Around 7 a.m. Julie came in again to announce that Dr. Booth was coming in for the day shift and would be in shortly to check on me. She also informed me that she would not be there for the birth of our child, as her shift was coming to a close. I remember being sad about that - when you work so hard at something, with someone who was such a great coach, you want them to be there. To see the work through to completion. Would I get along with this next nurse just as easily as with Julie? We said our farewells and I enjoyed another half hour of pain-free, pressure-sensations-only time on the epidural.

At 7:30 a.m. nearly on the dot, I remember the pain returning in my tailbone and rectum area. It was pretty distinct and coming on regular intervals, so I knew it was in line with each contraction. This was the beginning of the end for me with the epidural's magic. When our new nurse Georgeanne came in, she checked me and we learned I was around 9 cm with just a strip of cervix left to go. I asked her about bolstering the epidural for more relief and that's when the bomb was dropped. Georgeanne explained that some women have back labor, but that was not my case. We were confident the baby was head down, facing toward my back - the perfect delivery position. However, some women have a pelvis that's shaped and positioned in such a way that when the baby passes into the birth canal, she will feel the pain strongly and almost entirely against the tailbone area. And bomb of all bombs: epidurals do not cover this pain. Awesome, I thought. Georgeanne looked me straight in the eyes and said You're one of the lucky ones.

Around 8:00 a.m. four nurses arrived to my room with a large table and began assembling a handful of equipment. All I saw was a cluster of activity and I heard the clanging of metal contraptions. I asked my mom what was going on, and she said they were preparing for the delivery. If I could have, I would have sat straight up in the bed because I could not believe it was time for that! I hadn't even seen the doctor yet. She said there was no need to worry, it would still be a long time. They just like to have things ready to go. Dr. Booth finally came in around 8:30 and that's when her and Georgeanne said it was time to start pushing. I remember mentally freaking out at this point, I was so unprepared for those words, for that transition to the last phase of labor!! I started to cry in disbelief and excitement. But the tears quickly dissipated when I got down and dirty with this business they call "pushing." Let's just say it's more like pain in which your eyes might pop out, or your veins may burst, or you feel extreme pressure and pain like you STILL might poop this baby into existence! And it comes every 2-3 minutes. In my case, it lasted around 2 hours and 50 minutes. Pain like I've never felt; certain I may break my tailbone; sushing everyone in the room so I could focus and scream into the silence. With every moment of this pushing I willed her to be born.

Finally around 11:10 a.m. my doctor said we had two options. I could continue to push for another half-hour or so, or she could intervene with a pair of forceps and help things along to fruition. I didn't think I could last another half-hour, but she told me to keep trying things on my own. I think we made it about 3 more contractions when she made an executive decision to intervene. My temperature was suddenly on the rise and our daughter's heartrate started to spike. In that moment there were suddenly 4 nurses surrounding the doctor, my mom, and
Marcus. With the very next contraction - the forceps were used and there was a strange and very large burst of pressure as my daughter's head was released from the birth canal. I remember a nurse jumping on the bed in order to help pull her out, and all I could hear from my husband was Oh Kel. . . oooooh Kel . . . Ohhh! Probably a good thing I couldn't see the reality of what was going on down there. In a matter of seconds the rest of her burst forth, the doctor had a sudden struggle like she was slippery and almost flopped away, but then she was directly on my stomach and the birth was over.

I reached out with both hands to touch her, this blob of flesh, blood, and mucus, uncertain what to do. I was too shocked to cry, too overwhelmed to realize she wasn't making any noise, and too unprepared to hold her in my arms. All I could do was stare at this new human body on my abdomen and touch her with the palms of my hands and my fingers. Like reaching out to tentatively touch something you've never felt before. It all lasted a matter of moments before they whisked her away to be put on an oxygen mask (she was breathing very soon after that), cleaned up, and checked over.

And that, my friends, is the story of how miss Maebry Joanne Burrier came to be born into this world, on Wednesday morning, May 18, 2011 at 11:20 a.m. She weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces and was measured at 21 inches long. She had a full head of dark brown hair, ten fingers and ten really long toes.

I will spare you the rest of the recovery details, but let's just say they include a 4th degree tear (google it, I dare you), 6 catheters - 2 of which I would wear at home - for 9 days, impacted bowels that had to be removed by an emergency room nurse, a baby who couldn't poop until I stopped a medication, learning to breastfeed, and trying to care for a newborn while your hormones have dropped to a near-depression level. Yeesh. It was a rough 3 weeks for this mama! However, we are on the eve of Maebry's one-month birthday and I will say things have gotten immensely better!

I must say a HUGE thank you to the following people:

• My husband Marcus. Without him by my side, I may have collapsed numerous times and given up. He was my great coach during labor and delivery; he held me tight while I screamed through hours of painful impacted bowels and then while I screamed during the removal at the ER; he changed more diapers than I by the time we got home from the hospital; he has been an amazing dad with Maebry; he sacrifices a LOT in order to provide for our family. I love you babers!
• My mom. She is amazing and sacrificial. She was by my side at the hospital until her birth into this world. My mom was there for us for an entire week upon arrival home to help with anything and everything, including things I will probably never know she did. Thank you for the loads of laundry, the homemade meals, holding my child, encouraging me through breastfeeding, helping me take naps when needed, giving baths, being with our child while I was in the ER, and being an awesome Grandma. I love you!
• The nurses at Mercy Hospital. I am so thankful for each one of them, from the labor/delivery nurses to the recovery room nurses. They were great coaches, they comforted me with their advice and know-how, and their care over us was top-notch. I am especially thankful for Brittany who helped me with breastfeeding and with all the many trips into the bathroom. There are so many great, caring people who work there.
  
• My family members. So many people came to our house and dug in to do whatever they could find to help with. More laundry, cleaning our house, cleaning my oven which hadn't been touched in MONTHS, making up ice packs, making meals, being with Maebry while I slept, and keeping me company. I am deeply grateful for such an awesome, awesome family network!
• My small group and friends from church. We have had meals provided for us for the past 4 weeks and it has been a lifesaver! I don't know how we would've eaten otherwise. Thank you for the many delicious meals, for keeping us company and meeting our Maebry girl. Their sacrifice of time and cooking blessed us tremendously. I love the people that surround us in this way!
  
• Moms in my life who have shared their experiences. You know who you are, and you have helped me survive the most troublesome month of my entire life! Without the advice of these moms, I probably would have gone insane. It was good to hear that I wasn't alone in my thoughts, in my circumstances, in my emotions. The advice I received help me let go of deep guilt, helped me try and stay positive, and helped me get through some tough moments of becoming a mommy. Thank you, friends!

Well, I'm off to tend to my cooing baby girl. She is a precious gem and I am forever grateful to have her in my life. Being a mommy is tough work, but it was deeply gratifying and rewarding. Here I come, Miss Maebry!